Amazing Adventure #1: Seashells
About 2 weeks ago, Abby and I decided we were going to have a girl moment and go to the beach to collect seashells. If you ever come to Ocean City, one thing you will particularly notice about its beach is that it is particularly "shelly", which makes it prime ground for seashell hunters like Abby and I. We got to the boardwalk and, as I promised her, I first stopped and bought her a pink shovel and pail (as well as a few tools for myself). We then walked onto the beach and combed it for seashells. We opted for the wet sand because the shells were fresher and less broken there. As we walked, however, we found it so hard to find whole shells. "Abby," I started, "there are no whole shells here."
"That's okay," she said as she bent down and picked up a broken piece. "Ooo! This one's pretty!" She handed me a tiny, grayish piece of a shell. It had so many grooves and contours, but I couldn't see the beauty immediately in the piece. She then took it back and turned it over and showed me the shiny side of the shell. "See! It will make a pretty necklace." I couldn't help but smile. I guess it will... Only the eyes of a child could see that... I thought to myself, shaking my head.
We combed about 15 feet of the shoreline looking for such shell pieces. We filled our two buckets with broken shells. About 4 or 5 of all the shells were whole. Oddly enough they weren't nearly as interesting or pretty as some of the broken ones we found. When we were done searching, we took our shells and washed them off and sorted them. Big shells in one bucket. Little shells in the other. We then took our shells home and washed them off again with the hose. After that, we took the shells into the house and admired them some more.
As we were admiring the shells, Hope, a Philippina college student here in the project, came over and told us that she could make our shells into jewelry. Abby eagerly gave her some shells and Hope shaped the shells and chiseled holes into them. She then polished them and handed the finished pieces back to me. I then threaded string into the holes and handed the finished necklaces to some of the students here at the project.
The whole project was so moving to me. Throughout the entire process God was telling me this: "I like broken pieces over whole pieces. I like them because I can do more with them. I can shape them however I want. I can make them into any piece of jewelry I want. And even though you cannot see the potential in each broken piece, I do. And every piece, I guarantee you will be pretty. You just have to see things like Abby and see the potential in the broken pieces."
In this, I was able to see myself: broken and unwanted; getting stepped on over and over by people who could care less, burying myself in the sand to hide my pain and keep myself from getting stepped on again, being dug up, scrutinized, thrown in a bucket of water, sorted, washed again, taken home, washed again, chosen, chiseled, shaped, drilled into, polished, threaded with string, and proudly worn across someone's neck. God showed me that I am his jewelry: perfected through brokenness and love.
Amazing Adventure #2: Waves
Today, I spent another adventurous day with Abby! We spent our day celebrating our accomplishments and learning new things. This morning, Abby delighted in showing me the "heart part" of the song Heart and Soul. I taught her how to play this about 2 weeks ago as well and she still remembered! As a proud teacher, I must say, she is a brilliant girl. We then spent our afternoon with lunch, painting Texas Dave's nails (Texas Dave is a student here at the Ark. He goes by TD most of the time), and finishing up our adventure with a day at the beach! The sun was blazing hot today, but Abby, who suffered from major sunburn from the day before, insisted we visit the beach. She had something to show me.
The beach was teeming with people today. When we got to the beach, I reminded Abby that we only had 15 minutes to spend at the beach because Abby's mom was about to come home soon and I promised that she would be back by 3pm. She understood and we rushed to the water. The waves were larger than normal today and I was none too eager to get my face wet. I hate the taste of sea water in my mouth and getting sand out of my hair. Unfortunately for me, that's all Abby wanted to do.
We worked our way deeper into the frigid water. Just as the water was around Abby's chest, she turned around and waited for the wave. When a wave was large enough, she bent down and let the wave take her close to shore. She jumped out of the water laughing and telling me to do it too.
"But I don't know how to, Abby!"
"It's easy!" she yelled over the waves. "Wait for a big one, jump, and crouch on your hands and knees! Like this!" She repeated the process again and drifted closer to shore this time.
I, party-pooper that I am, was not about to get my head wet. "But Abby! I'm afraid!" Even though she tried to coax me into it over and over, I wouldn't do it. Finally she gave up and waited for the next wave. This time, instead of allowing the wave to push her to shore, she stood tall and fell backward as the wave came toward her. The rushing wave pushed her up and she bounced forward laughing. "C'mon, Brittany! You can do this!" She explained the process of how to do it as the next wave came toward her. "Like this, Brittany! Just...lean...back!" She fell backwards and then bounced forward. "See! Now you do it!"
I hesitated. I've been halfway cross the world and back, been in real dangerous situations, repelled down waterfalls and climbed up mountains, yet I, a 20-year-old could not muster up the courage to lean back and get my head wet with sea water, something a 6-year-old doesn't take a second thought about. I shook my head and made my mind. "Ready?" she screamed,"One! Two! Three!"
I leaned back and slowly let myself fall. Just as I thought I would fall on the ground, a wave crashed into my back and forcefully pushed me forward. I ran with the wave and saw that even though the back of my hair was wet, I neither tasted sea water, nor got the entirety of my hair wet. I felt like Abby and I bonded at that moment much more. She carefree and I faltering, but both of us decided to trust the vast and wide ocean to lift us up as we fell.
This lesson from the ocean particularly spoke to me, especially because all this week, I have been struggling with trusting God to fix me and overcome the sinner in me. For the past few days, I literally would go through periods of silence because I was afraid that the "monster within" would overcome me and that I, like most people I know, would be a failure and most likely the least in the kingdom of heaven. After my discipler pointed out yesterday that I understood the concept that God loves unconditionally, but I love myself conditionally (that is, if I do everything right and nothing wrong), I battled the rest of the day with tough criticisms of myself and my actions, my thoughts and my entire life. As I thought about my sins, I realized that I might as well be doing my sins, because I was both repulsed by and desired to participate in them.
Today, I was not much better, but then I felt like God was screaming at me through the roar of the waves and the laughter of a child, "Fall backwards!" It was as if God was saying, It's okay. If you fall backwards, I will catch you. If you fall forwards, I will bring you closer to shore. You cannot fight the waves of the ocean. You cannot fight me. Just believe that even though I am big, I will not destroy you. Have fun. Relax. I'm in control.
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